I'm jealous of your bromance
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
