Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
