You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
