This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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