nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
