we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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