I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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