yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
