So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
