3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
