Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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