Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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