my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
