I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
