I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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