Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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