There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
