people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
