lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
