Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
