Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
