I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
