I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
