I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
