There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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