what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
