before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I want to be your penis for a week.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
