There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
