wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
