just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
