your thong is hanging out like whoa
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize