i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
