I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
