Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
