Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
