R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
