I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
