You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
