WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
