I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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