it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
smell my finger.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
