I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
