So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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