I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
