She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
