yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
