Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
