hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
