Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
