Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
