Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
