Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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