that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
