I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
