I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
