Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
