we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
