I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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