I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
