News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
