In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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