Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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