well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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