thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
