It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
