Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.

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(480): View more from Arizona

turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.

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(954): View more from Florida

If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.

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(740): View more from Ohio

How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?

(1-740): View more from Ohio

2.5

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.

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(251): View more from Alabama

We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week

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(801): View more from Utah

Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.

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