Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
