At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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