that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
