am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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